Punch Lines

Real Estate Update: Shirley MacLaine’s Santa Fe, N.M., neighbors complain that she’s not paying enough in property taxes. “A spokesman for the actress says the reason her $1.5-million mountaintop ranch is assessed at only $107,643 is that it was appraised three lives ago.” (Bob Mills)

* “What they seem to forget is that she has owned that property since the early 1300s,” says Jerry Perisho.

“Sylvester Stallone sold his house in Los Angeles at a $500,000 loss. The value dropped when critics said that despite flash and special effects, the house lacked substance,” says Alex Kaseberg.

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On TV: The House of Representatives overwhelmingly voted to fine Speaker Newt Gingrich $300,000. “Rumors that the money is earmarked for PBS have not been confirmed.” (Cutler Daily Scoop)

Jay Leno notes that according to People magazine, a “Three’s Company” reunion show may be in the works, but only if there is a good plot. “Oh yeah,” says Leno, “you don’t want to damage the integrity of the show by some cheap knockoff.”

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In the News: A couple in Shasta, Calif., decided to have their wedding where they first met--a kindergarten classroom. Says Premiere Morning Sickness, “When the minister said, ‘You may now kiss the bride,’ the groom responded, ‘Yech. . . . Cooties.’ ”

Large HMOs plan to raise premiums this year. “Most programs offer three levels of care,” says Alan Ray. “ ‘Full managed,’ ‘partially managed’ and ‘we don’t.’ ”

The restored Glendale main post office has reopened as a historic landmark. “Adding to the building’s authenticity are stacks of 1930s mail still sitting in bins unsorted,” says Mills.

Closing arguments finish in the O.J. Simpson civil case. “In an effort to keep the proceedings brief, lawyers for the plaintiffs and the defendant limited their speeches to ‘Did so!’ and ‘Did not!’ ” (Olympia Daily World)

* “Jury pay is the same as in the criminal trial,” says Ray. “Fifty thousand dollars for the first draft, $100,000 on completion of the manuscript.”

Dennis Rodman has been dropped from Carl’s Jr. ads. “Even worse, he’s been given an official censure of the National Assn. of Tattoo Artists.” (Mills)

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Reader Stephen Madison says he knew the obsession with psycho-babble and talk show psychology had gone too far when he attended a basketball game at the Los Angeles Sports Arena and overheard two boys of about 10 who were good-naturedly arguing with each other. After a few minutes of back-and-forth mock boasts and threats, one said to the other:

“If you don’t watch out, I’ll wound your inner child.”