Blue-Ribbon Entertainment

If the Ventura County Fair happened every week of the year . . .

* No one would get any work done--too busy swapping sure-fire muffin recipes and place-setting concepts.

* Shaving cream hats just might catch on for everyday wear.

* We would start thinking the four major food groups are corn dogs, cotton candy, curly fries and chili.

* We would have great concerts every night of the year.

* Champion hog callers would pull in prize porkers from all over the globe.

* Dizzy kids would stagger around rubber-legged from too much time on the Hi-Miler.

* We might get over being thrilled by the islands-to-mountains view from atop the giant Ferris wheel--eventually.

* More people might get in the habit of--gasp!--riding the Metrolink.

* Endlessly creative chefs would cause sales of Spam to skyrocket, and some of it might actually get eaten.

* All those lemon juice drinking contests would have everybody making faces like the Thousand Oaks City Council.

* Some poor misguided child might decide he wants to grow up to be just like Weird Al Yankovic.

* The inspiration of weekly demolition derbies and dirt-track auto races could make freeway driving much more interesting.

* All those pie-eating contests would test the effect of whipped cream on the complexion.

* Champion cow-chip tossers would launch more B.S. than a congressional candidate.

But the Ventura County Fair doesn’t happen every week of the year, so you’d better catch it while you can.

After next Sunday, it’ll be too late.