‘I think I just have to see how long I can do this.’

Ruth Barati’s life was shattered in June 1996 when her husband was found near death on a sidewalk in Los Gatos, near San Jose, where he’d gone for a stroll while waiting for her to teach a yoga class.

What happened to 83-year-old George Barati, an acclaimed musician, composer and symphony conductor, on that sidewalk has never been determined. He was found with a crushed skull and lingered in a coma for 10 days before he died.

Making clear-eyed plans about her living situation was the last thing on the devastated widow’s mind. “I’m just now starting to contemplate life,” she said, adding softly: “Though I’ve wondered whether I even want to keep living.”

But part of Ruth Barati’s lifework has been acting as partner in her husband’s career, and that role kept her going. She arranged a memorial concert for him at UC Santa Cruz and oversaw the completion of a compact disc of his work that he had begun recording.

“For those months, I almost didn’t have time to grieve,” she recalled.

At 81, she can’t imagine living anywhere but the home in the hills outside Santa Cruz where she and her husband shared a busy, fulfilling life. In fact, after her husband died, Barati canceled plans that the couple had made to move to Rossmoor, a San Francisco Bay Area retirement community.

“With him gone, I couldn’t face the idea of going where I really knew no one and leaving all my friends and students,” she said. Part of the reason for the planned move was to be closer to her daughter and two young granddaughters in Berkeley, but now Barati is determined to find a way to spend time with them without giving up her beloved home.

“I think I just have to see how long I can do this and not make a move before my heart tells me I should,” she said.

A multi-generational circle of friends has been her strength, she said. “I’m so thankful for the support I’ve been given. It’s been incredible.” She thinks the fact that many of her friends are younger--partly because of her longtime career as a yoga teacher--gives her life an infusion of energy.

“There are things you can do that attract younger people--yoga, aerobics, tai chi, studying language,” she said, offering a suggestion for widows who want to expand their circles beyond the elderly.

She’s especially thankful for one friend who marched in and lovingly redecorated her home, a superficial change that Barati found deeply healing.

“She filled the house with color, and I love it.”